Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
