I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
