don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Boobs are out for the taking
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
