i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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