he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
