I want to have your abortion
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
