i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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