you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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