yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
