I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she smelled like a LAN party
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
