No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
