Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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