I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
