He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
