WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize