walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
