I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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