I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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