the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
