Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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