Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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