Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
