you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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