you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
