I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
