It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
