He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize