3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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