I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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