And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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