a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
