Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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