Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize