Your face is a jimmy john
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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