he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
did you just send me my own nude
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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