I heard we made out
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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