you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
