wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
