Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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