i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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