M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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