Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize