Me. At least after what I've been through.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
