I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
