I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
