party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
