somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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