The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
