just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
