Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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