is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
