love makes seman taste better
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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