Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
two words...techno handjob
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
