I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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