Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
