porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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