i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
