how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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