His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
