dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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