bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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