My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
