Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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