oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
