How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His hands were made for my vagina.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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