Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
