shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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