Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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