why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
