I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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