I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
