Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize