I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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