1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Cold hands, warm shart.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
