YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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