I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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