I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
