so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize