i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
