I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
