My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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