that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
