Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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