Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
