so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize