I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
