i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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