She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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