It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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