My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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